When something "bad" or "unexpectedly" happened, sometimes, it need lots of courage to move on. To overcome the shock and dissapointment. YOu know very well life still goes on but something is very wrong at this moment of time. YOu feel awfully terrible. Miserable. Depressed. Hopeless. Hell. NO doubt, after you have gone through this, you got wiser. Tougher. Stronger. No matter how much you wish that things were like before... it just aren't the same anymore. The damage is there, be it big or small. All that you know right now is, you need time to heal that wound in your heart.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to control. YOu still feel your tears running down. Your heart still feel sour. It is still too painful. YOu can't breath. YOu feel like running away. YOu feel like dying. But you still try to act as if nothing happened. You may asked yourself many times... what is holding you back? And you can't seems to find an answer. Was it anger? Was it fustration? Was it fear? Was it sadness? Was it dissapointment? Was it hatred? Or Was it just merely habit? You just couldn't tell... How could you tell, when you couldn't differentiate what is true and what is not anymore?
May be, because of certain betrayal in your past...YOu lost control on yourself. YOu felt lost. YOu fear. YOu damaged your own reputation. Life is not so beautiful anymore. It sucks -- BIG time. YOu choose to give up on your old goodself. YOu rather betrayed people around you. All you want is revenge. All you care for is you not getting hurt. While you are busy protecting yourself, you are hurting other innocent people. But have you ever wonder... is it worth it? If you love yourself well enough, you will never hurt others. By hurting others, you are hurting yourself...
YES! When things change, you gotta run out of your usual habit. Certain things that you used to do, you gotta stop doing. Getting use seems so hard. So impossible. But the word "impossible" itself says that " I M POSSIBLE" .. so what else is impossible? Besides, no one ever promise that things will remain static. Everything in this world is uncertain... everything that's it, except death and taxes! We just need to face it. Easy to say. Hard to do. Perhaps... it is letting go of what we adore and fantasize that make things hard. Perhaps... it is letting go of those fond memories that make things hard...
If time is the best healing tool... given time, everything will be OK. It is very much depending on oneself as well, isn't it? No matter how much your heart cracked/crushed. The heart beat will still continued. The clock will still ticking. Sometimes... it is not holding on that makes you strong. It is letting go.
October 14, 2006
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